Scammel Wheel Nuts

>> Oct 3, 2009

Saying that it is a little bit cold here in the winter is like saying Paris Hilton is a little bit irritating or my children are a little bit untidy. It is, quite frankly, the understatement of the millennium.

But that’s okay, it supposed to be cold in a place that look like this, right?

A place where reindeer, moose, and quite possibly, half man half faun type creatures, roam free. A place that for five months of the year is under several feet of snow, is regularly colder than -20 degrees Celsius and where for a good three of those months the “sun don’t shine” at all. A place that is, in short, everything you would imagine Lapland to be from the prettily snow adorned log cabins to the endless forest of pine trees each weighted down in a Dali-esque fashion with snow.

No, cold in winter I can cope with. I can even cope with the fact that the one room in the house in which you are guaranteed to want to get naked on a regular basis, the bathroom, has no form of heating other than the ragged gasps of your own breath through chattering teeth as your body tries frantically not to contract hypothermia. After all, who needs heating when you have a sauna, right? And in the winter months I totally "get" the Finns preference for sauna over showering.

What I can't cope with, however, is going for a shower at the beginning of October, a month that
most definitely does not fall within the parameters of winter, and dancing around, a goose pimpled shivering mass of wretchedness, trying to get all of my body under the hot but pitifully weak smattering of water coming from the shower head at once, whilst at the same time trying not to poke out my own eyes with my Scammel wheel nuts.

I am seriously considering taking my next shower full dressed or perhaps just not showering again until the spring...
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